Advice on all the dating and relationship woes that have you worried
Welcome back to another edition of Dear Dating Bitch – my online advice column where I answer all your questions about love, dating, and relationships.
Now, let’s get to the dating advice!
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Q: My boyfriend has just proposed to me. He is everything I’m against but being with him just feels right, so I’m conflicted. What should I do?
– Love, Worried about Potential Engagement
Dear Worried about Potential Engagement:
I’m not entirely sure what it means when you say he’s “everything I’m against.” Are you referring to religion? Class? Politics?
Regardless, that’s a decision that only you can make. Ask yourself, ‘Will [X] be a deal breaker for me down the road? Is there a way to compromise?’
Then, talk to him. There’s no reason to jump into an engagement right away – you can take your time and explore the relationship for as long as you need to. But bring up your concerns with him.
You can do this kindly (probably without saying that he’s “everything you’re against”) by saying something like, “I’m hesitant to commit to you because of [X,Y,Z]. How do you think we can handle this?”
Consider talking to a couple’s counselor. Ask if he’s willing to do that with you. If he’s not (which I think is a major red flag, btw), then consider going to counseling alone to air out your thoughts.
Whatever you do, don’t marry someone if you feel unsure about it. And don’t keep your fears and hesitations to yourself – that’s only a recipe for disaster. Good luck!
Q: My boyfriend wants to get married in 2021. But he is not willing to pay half of our bills. I worry that this will be a one-sided marriage. What do you think?
– Love, Working Girl
Dear Working Girl:
I think your fears are pretty well-founded. You’re asking him to pay for half of all bills. That’s more than reasonable and the fact that he is unwilling to says a lot.
Tell him that it concerns you and ask him if there’s a reason for it. Do you make significantly more money than he does? Is he struggling financially right now? Does he object to something that you’re paying for specifically?
Whatever his answer is, really listen to what he says and be willing to have an open conversation about it. There are reasons why an uneven bill-paying arrangement could be understandable, so I don’t want to automatically jump to the conclusion that he’s an asshole and you should run. But the only way to determine that is to talk to him.
When you do, make sure to ask him what he is willing to pay for, or what kind of bill-paying system he expects or wants. Then decide if that’s acceptable to you or not. If it’s not, you have every right to tell him that it won’t work for you and decline to marry him.
Q: I want to cheat on my wife but I feel horrible about it. What should I do?
– Love Antsy for An Affair
Dear Antsy for an Affair:
The way I see it, you have two options here:
- End the marriage – break up, separate, or get a divorce so that you can feel free to do what or whoever you want
- Talk to your wife about this. Without more details, it’s unclear if you want to cheat with a specific person or just feel the desire to sleep around in general, but regardless, talking about how you feel could help give you some clarity here. It could be that you’re feeling this way because of an unmet need in your relationship (emotional or physical). In that case, you may be able to ask for what you need and work through the issue. Maybe it is about a specific person and talking to your wife will help ease your longing. Or perhaps your wife would be willing to open your marriage up.
Whatever you do, though, don’t follow through with the urge to cheat – it never ends well.
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Conclusion: Worried about Love
Happy dating out there! And remember – don’t cheat on your partners or marry people you don’t want to marry.