To Text or Not to Text – That is the Question

In case you didn’t know, October 30th is National Text Your Ex Day.

Yes, that is a thing (I mean, c’mon, they’ve practically got a national day for everything.) And, honestly, as weird as this one might be, I don’t know if anything can top National Answer Your Cat’s Question day (which, by the way, is January 22.)

But, back to the upcoming “holiday.” Should you celebrate by texting your ex? Is reaching out to an ex always a terrible idea? Let’s discuss!

Related Read: What to do on National Text Your Ex Day 2021

Woman wearing witch costume and texting

What is National Text Your Ex Day?

It’s just what it sounds like – it’s an arbitrary day that someone, somewhere, came up with. Who and why, I have no clue!

But every year, it falls on October 30th. The day before Halloween, when all the ghouls and goblins come out. Doesn’t seem like much of a coincidence, then, does it? Just like many failed relationships, Halloween sees ghosts and zombies aplenty.

Related Read: Dear Dating Bitch: How to Handle the Reappearing Ex

Should You Actually Do It?

Alright, so now that you know what National Text Your Ex Day is, let’s talk about whether or not you should actually participate.

I don’t think it’s always a bad idea to text an ex, but I do think that there are certain scenarios where it’s decidedly not a good idea. On the other hand, there are some situations where I think it would be perfectly fine (maybe even good!) to go ahead and send a text on the 30th.

So, here’s some a little breakdown to help you decide which category you fall into.

Don’t Text Your Ex:

1. If You’re Still in the ‘No Contact’ Phase

This one should kind of go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway.

If you’ve just ended a relationship with someone (as in, sometime in the last month or so), you should NOT be texting them. What you should be doing is following the No Contact rule. And an unofficial holiday is not an appropriate excuse to break said rule.

2. If You Aren’t Over Them

This is a harder one, I get – sometimes you can still have lingering feelings for someone months (even years) later. But if you’re still reeling over them, it’s probably not a good idea to send them a “Happy National Ex Day!” text.

In fact, I’ll go a step further here and say if it’s going to hurt you in any way, don’t text them. Will you be upset if they don’t reply? If they reply saying something unkind? If so, then skip it.

3. If it was a Particularly Brutal Breakup

Some breakups just end badly. And sometimes, you end up with no explanation and no real closure. In those cases, trying to reach out is a pretty futile effort. Chances are, they’re not going to find it funny or cute if you message them on Text Your Ex Day.

Likewise, if you were the one who ended the relationship, you also shouldn’t reach out. That’s like rubbing salt in an open would. Don’t re-hurt someone you’ve already hurt.

4. If You’re Drunk, Lonely, or Recently Single

Really, this is sort of a blanket rule for texting your ex in general. It’s never a good idea to do it while you’re drunk and lonely – that’s just asking for trouble.

And if you’ve recently been dumped by someone else, you’re probably in a more vulnerable state. Reaching out to an ex when you’re alone, sad, and vulnerable is a terrible idea. That’s how you end up making serious mistakes like I did! (Read about that awful experience here.)

5. If You’re Still Angry or Bitter

Just like it’s a bad idea to text an ex you still love, it’s a bad idea to text one you still hate. Or, at least, one you still feel really pissed off at. As they say, when emotions run high, logic runs low.

So, really, if you feel anything about your ex other than ambivalence, curiosity, or genuine friendship, you shouldn’t bother sending them a text.

Text Your Ex:

1. If Doing So will be Helpful to YOU

Really think about this. Do you feel like there are things you need to say to your ex? Do you want to apologize for something in the past? Do you want to try and gain some closure? Will texting them – whether or not they reply – give you a sense of closure?

If texting them will help you, then by all means, go for it! But again, don’t do it if getting no response is going to upset you.

2. If You’re on Good Terms

If you and your ex are friends or had a reasonably amicable breakup, there’s nothing wrong with sending them a quick, “Did you know it’s National Text Your Ex Day?” on the 30th.

In fact, some exes might even be able to laugh about the silly National Holiday together!

3. If You Want to Be on Good Terms

Maybe you’re not exactly friendly, but if there are no hard feelings and you want to open up the possibility of a future friendship, this might be a good way to try.

You could send a heartfelt message, letting them know that you care for them and honestly want to catch up sometime. Or make a joke and see if that opens the door a bit.

Celebrate with an Alternative

One last suggestion here before I end this post. If you don’t feel up to sending an actual text, you can always write a letter to your ex.

Write whatever it is that you feel and then DON’T send it. Burn it, throw it away, keep it in a journal somewhere, just don’t actually mail it out. That’d be weird.


Whatever you decide to do, hopefully you have a good day regardless. And for those of you who are going through a difficult breakup, I’ve got an upcoming E-book to help you get over your heartbreak – check it out here.

What do you think about National Text Your Ex Day? Will you celebrate? Let me know in the comments below!

Thanks for reading!


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  1. avatar

    For me personally, I like a clean break, and I can’t imagine wanting to speak to someone much after going from romance to friendship (although I understand everyone is different!). Thanks for sharing x

    1. avatar

      That’s a fair point – I’ve done both and I think it always depends on the situation.

  2. avatar

    Wow I didn’t know that there was such a day, but I would never text my ex because it did end on bad terms and I blocked them on everything.
    I can see that if you were on good terms, it might be a funny thing to do though.

    1. avatar

      absolutely – if it’s only going to be harmful to you there’s no point in doing it.

  3. avatar

    I will not be celebrating this. I have no reason to text my ex. I have an amazing partner. Thank you for sharing this post.

    1. avatar

      Totally understand that!

  4. avatar

    I’ve never thought about a) this being a national day and b) about what to text (or not text) an ex. Most probably if it’s an ex, you might not want to talk to them, so it’s a very strange holiday. But nevertheless it gave me a lot food for thought. Thanks for sharing!

    1. avatar

      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  5. avatar

    This was such an interesting post Katie – I know back in the years when I was dating this was something I always struggled with is trying to maintain & create boundaries that worked for all with how much to communicate (if at all!). I also love your idea of the letter-writing things out by hand really helps me process so that’s a fantastic idea.

    1. avatar

      I completely agree! I’ve done that multiple times without sending it out because it’s just a way to put your own thoughts down. They don’t necessarily need to actually hear it for it to mean something. Thanks for reading!

  6. avatar
    Michelle Gast says:

    What a goofy holiday. Leave the past in the past, I mean if it is beneficial, go ahead and participate. That would bring a lot of drama for me, and unwanted contact, that I don’t want or have time for. What a goofy holiday.

    1. avatar

      It IS such a strange one, isn’t it? There are a lot of really odd ones, though (like National Ask Your Cat a Question Day – what?!) And I think that’s definitely true for some people, so that’s fair! Thanks for reading

  7. avatar

    You’re seriously awesome, Katie! I didn’t know about this day, so first of all thanks for bringing this into my notice. Secondly, your categorization on basis of several scenarios are truly helpful as always! When one does know what to do but don’t know when to do then it could go wrong even if not intended but the scenarios you’ve listed down are truly amazing in real. Truly enjoyed reading this! Loved your post as always!

    1. avatar

      Awe thank you! Your comments always brighten up my day 😀

  8. avatar

    Hi Dating B. Great post! And no, don’t think I will ever text ANY ex of mine. Thanks!

    1. avatar

      Ha! Fair enough!

  9. avatar
    Mind Beauty Simplicity says:

    It is a bit situational isn’t it? one of my ex’s (4 year relationship) we don’t speak to eachother at all and blocked each other from everything. i have seen him in public a couple times but that’s another story.
    other “ex’s” or almost relationships i should say have all ended fine where a quick text to ask something isn’t too bad. you just have to be sure you don’t draw a line especially if we are in a new relationship yourself. that could get messy.

    1. avatar

      That’s a good point! But it also depends on what you’re texting about – if it’s just a friendly hello it shouldn’t make a new partner upset or insecure.

  10. avatar

    I’ve never heard of this national day before but I could see it having a place in some cases to put closure on a relationship. Thanks for sharing.

    1. avatar

      Very true – I think, though, that if you want closure, you don’t need a national day to ask for it. But it’s an interesting concept nonetheless

  11. avatar
    Seriah Sargenton says:

    This is such a weird holiday to have. Like what is the point of it lol. I feel like if someone is my ex it’s for a good reason, and I probably wouldn’t want to talk again.

    1. avatar

      Well, if you look at all the different national days, there are definitely some weird ones. (Like, Lumpy Rug Day – what?!)

  12. avatar

    I think I’m going to sit this one out! Had no idea such a day existed but like you said there’s literally a day for everything!

    1. avatar

      There is! It’s kind of crazy actually

  13. avatar

    I waited a year before deciding to text my ex again for some closure. I feel much happier now!

    1. avatar

      That’s some damn good will-power girl! I’m impressed 🙂

      1. avatar

        Okay well if we wanna be completely honest, I went back to him for 3 months after the break-up and realized he didn’t give a sh*t about me and THEN I went the year before getting my closure 😂 (lol I broke up with him and I was trying to get closure on telling him why I broke up with him because I kind of just randomly left and felt bad)

        1. avatar

          Hey don’t feel bad! Have you read my “Sex with an Ex” post? I made some pretty dumb mistakes too – you live and learn

          1. avatar

            I actually did read it a little bit ago! Totally relatable and I half regret my decision for sure. But I wouldn’t have learned to put myself first if I didn’t make that mistake. Which is why I say I half regret it 🙂

          2. avatar

            Mine is probably 75% regret, 25% happy that I learned something. I probably could’ve learned without getting hurt all over again though.

          3. avatar

            Okay I did NOT know there was a day for this! Thanks for sharing!

          4. avatar

            There are so many ridiculous National days it’s hard to keep track!

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30ish Lifestyle blogger, relationship "expert," and modern-day agony aunt.
Sometimes humorous, always honest.