There’s a growing movement around the concept of self love. And for good reason! It’s incredibly important for happiness, mental health, and overall well-being. But how do we actually put that into practice? By understanding and working on the 3 pillars of self love.

Today, I’ve got a fantastic guest post for you, courtesy of Charlie, a consultant and digital marketing expert who started writing after experiencing her own corporate burnout. Her blog, Today Years Old, is all about productivity and helping people live their best lives.

Other Guest Posts You Might Like:
The 5 Most Important Traits of a Healthy Relationship
How to Have More Effective Communication in Relationships

Keep reading to find out Charlie’s take on the 3 pillars of self love you need!

3 Pillars of Self Love - a guest post

The 3 Crucial Pillars of Self Love

BY: Charlie

In the immortal words of Whitney Houston, “the greatest love of all” is self-love. OK, I’m paraphrasing a lot, but I’ve recently been thinking about what it really means to love yourself. I’m going to show you the 3 pillars of self love and share practical advice on how to improve your relationship with yourself.

Firstly, I need to be clear on what I mean by ‘self love’ because it has a few *ahem* connotations. But, to me, self love is finding a deeply fulfilling relationship with your true self.

My relationship status with myself can be described as ‘it’s complicated’ and I’m not alone. I openly admit to being a workaholic, insecure overachiever. Naturally, I picked a career full of people like me. Then it all changed.

Exactly one year ago, I experienced a serious burnout and my world turned upside down. My whole identity was gone, and I couldn’t imagine ever feeling like ‘me’ again. But I did. This is what I’ve learned from my own journey and what I’ve come to believe are the 3 crucial pillars of self love.

Pillar One: Self-acceptance

None of us are perfect. Perfection doesn’t even exist because the world is constantly changing. We’re constantly changing, too. We need to accept the fact that we can’t be perfect, and what’s more, aspiring to perfection will never make us happy.

There will always be parts of yourself you don’t like. For example, I’m an only child and, I’ll be honest, I suck at sharing. I can accept that sharing isn’t something that will ever come naturally to me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t improve on it.

You can’t change your natural character: you need to accept it. Stop beating yourself up for being you and redirect your energies to a growth mindset.

Some tips that work for me:

  • Create a ‘Beat up’ jar: every time you beat yourself up, write down one nice thing about yourself. Pop it in the jar and save it for later.
  • Get Feedback: the best way to adopt a growth mindset is to be receptive to feedback from others.
  • Remember to listen to the positives, too: it’s not arrogant to accept the bits of your character people value. It’s a signal to do more of the good stuff!

Related Read: Doing this for 15 Minutes a Day will Change your Life

Pillar Two: Self-care

We’re tougher on ourselves than we realize.

My amazing business coach recently said something which changed my perspective: “if you treated a friend/colleague/employee in the same way you’re treating yourself, would they tell you to F off?”

At school we’re taught to treat others how we want to be treated. But I think in this ever-connected world of insecure overachievers, we need to swap it round: treat yourself like you’d treat others.

Self-care is the answer.

What that means – at least to me – is taking time to tun into what your body really needs. There’s a difference between treating yourself and justifying things that are bad for you (like junk food, skipping the gym, or staying up late to binge-watch a new show.)

Instead, try going for a walk, taking a relaxing bath, watching TV without your phone, writing out a list of things you’re thankful for, or reading a book.

Related Read: 10 Easy Ways to Practice Self Love (Even When You Feel Like Shit)

Pillar Three: Self-knowledge

You can’t fall in love with someone you don’t know.

Life will change you as you travel along its peculiar path; make sure you take time to recognize this and check-in.

Let me give you an example: I used to define success as being a CEO (cliché, I know.) Everything I did was working towards this goal – it was the only way I could visualize success. Burnout changed all that. I completely re-prioritized and ultimately realized I no longer felt that way. Cue existential crisis.

What does ‘success’ look like today? Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve come to accept that I don’t really know what I want right now. I’m just embracing opportunities that look fun, investing time in stuff I find fulfilling, and letting the answer land when it’s ready.

To work on self-knowledge, you can try something called IKIGAI, a form of reflection which asks you to question: what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can get paid for. Your purpose, then, can be found in the answers.

It isn’t easy, but once you’re able to utilize these pillars of self love, you’ll be better for it.

☆ ☆ ☆

Pillars of Self Love Conclusion

Thanks so much to Charlie for sharing this post with me.

What do you think of these 3 key pillars of self love? Let me know in the comments below.

As always, thanks so much for reading! And if you’re interested in writing a guest blog post for me, I’m always open to collaboration – find more information here.


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  1. avatar

    Fab tips! I thinking accepting ourselves is definitely the first step towards self love, even if it can be really difficult. I love the idea of the beat up jar, I definitely want to give that a try, and this was great reminder that I need to practice self care more regularly too. Thank you so much for sharing such a helpful post x

    1. avatar

      Yes, I totally agree – a “beat up jar” is a great idea and a great way to make sure you’re showing yourself love

  2. avatar

    i had no idea there were 3 pillars or stages of self love. you learn something knew everyday. i’ve personally learned to accept myself for who i am by also knowing i can always grow & change. i am also implementing more self care in my routine lately.

    1. avatar

      It can definitely be a challenge, but that’s great that you’ve taken that step! And, I was so interested to learn about these 3 elements too!

Let me know your thoughts!

About Author

30ish Lifestyle blogger, relationship "expert," and modern-day agony aunt.
Sometimes humorous, always honest.