Relationships

Let’s Talk Deal-Breakers in Dating

5 Dating Deal-breakers to Ditch this year

Deal-breakers. We all have them. Those qualities in a potential mate that make us go, “Thank you, next ✌️

Obviously, there are the big ones – abuse, addiction, infidelity. Basically, the things that make a relationship dangerous or unhealthy.

Then, there are the fairly universal ones – STD’s, poor hygiene, dishonesty, selfishness.

Next, we have the more individualized deal-breakers – things that aren’t quite so black and white. Smoking, for example. Some people would never want to date a smoker while others are a bit more flexible on the matter. Personally, I don’t particularly love it if my partner smokes, but it’s not an automatic deal-breaker.

And finally, we have preferences.

Now, there is (or at least, there should be) a big difference between a preference and a deal-breaker. I’d prefer a guy who looks like Chris Hemsworth. But if he looks more like Chris Evans, I’ll give him a chance (if that same Chris Evans-y guy is a Trump supporter, though… that’s a deal breaker 😒)

Are Deal-Breakers a Good Thing?

In general, I think it’s always a good idea to have a solid grasp on what you want in a partner. Especially if you’re looking for someone to be serious with, it’s important to know upfront whether or not you’re compatible. Why waste time with someone who doesn’t want kids when you KNOW for a fact that you want a big ‘ol house full?

Sometimes, though, the boundary between “preference” and “deal-breaker” gets a little bit blurred.

We have this ideal mate in mind – good looking, financially stable, great in bed – and we’re looking for someone who checks all our boxes. It’s never a bad thing to be picky, but when we get too hung up on our perfect guy, we start overlooking regular guys who might be worth a chance.

Now, of course, that doesn’t mean that if smoking is a deal-breaker for you, you should go ahead and start dating that pack-a-day guy anyway. Or that you should go out with someone you have zero chemistry with.

But it’s worth taking a look at your own expectations. In reality, a guy with blonde hair and green eyes isn’t necessarily going to make you happier than a guy with brown hair and brown eyes.

So, if you’re looking for love, navigating the treacherous waters of online dating, you might want to consider ditching these common (but pretty superficial) “deal-breakers” 😉

Top 5 Dating Deal-Breakers to Ditch

1. Height

I know a lot, and I mean a LOT, of women out there have pretty specific height requirements. I’m always amazed at how many ladies put the phrase “No one under 6 ft” in their Tinder bio. 🙄

While, I certainly understand the appeal (after all, I’ve never heard someone refer to a good looking man as a short drink of water), I think this is one that we can safely toss aside.

Now, in the interest of full-disclosure, I’ll say that my current love-interest (you remember John) is clocking in at around 6’1, but he’s actually the tallest guy I’ve ever dated (the shortest was about my height.) And as great as our relationship is, his height isn’t what makes it good.

In fact – I once told him that he was TOO tall!

Being that I’ve never dated anyone over 5’11 before, kissing him was a pretty new experience. I mean, when we’re lounging around the house and I’m barefoot, I really have to get on my tiptoes to kiss him! Talk about your neck strain (you’ll be happy to know, I’ve since gotten used to it 😏)

2. Hair (or lack thereof)

We all have a hair preference. No, not down there – get your mind out of the gutter! 🙈

I’m specifically referring to the fact that us ladies tend to like a fellow with a good head of hair. Of course, some chicks do dig the bald look (and some guys really can pull it off – I’m looking at you Dwayne Johnson!), but for those of us who don’t love the Mr. Clean look (ahem, guilty), it may be worth revisiting our stance.

Again, I’m not the best one to talk here – I have a pretty strong preference for a full head of hair and luckily for me, my current guy (you know, the one who’s also 6’1) has ridiculously thick and gorgeous hair. Seriously, his hair is better than mine. 💁🏼‍♀️

But, once again, his hair isn’t why I’m with him (I mean, it helps. But it’s not the mane reason – see what I did there? 😉)

So, if you’re talking to someone online who looks like they might be balding a bit, go out with them anyway and see if you click!

3. Age

Finally! One I actually can talk about without being a hypocrite. Yep. John, my 6’1, lushly coiffed gentleman caller, is closer to 40. 👴

Now, in some ways, age does matter. After all, I’m in my (early) thirties, so I doubt I’d have much in common with a guy in his twenties. But what matters more is compatibility.

I married – and divorced – fairly young. In fact, when I first started dating again, I was still in my 20’s! I’d just gotten out of a long-term partnership with a man who was only a year older than me. To find love, I went online (as you do nowadays), and the majority of the men on Tinder were a good 5-10 years older than me (men who were also post-divorce).

Initially, I was somewhat wary of it.

I’d just gotten out of a relationship with a 28 year old former Marine – I mean, this man was ripped (didn’t keep us married, but certainly wasn’t a bad thing.) I wondered how on earth I would feel about dating an older guy – I pictured dad-bods and greying pubes. 😬

But guess what? The first guy I dated was 7 years older than me. He was a bit soft in the middle and yet, I found his body surprisingly sexy. 😏

So, before you dismiss that 45-year-old with the greying beard and saggy man-balls, meet for coffee to see if sparks fly.

4. Fish Photos

Alright now this one had me a bit stumped when I first heard of it. For some reason a lot of women absolutely HATE when a guy on Tinder has a fish-pic. 🤷‍♀️

You know, where the guy is holding a large (presumably dead) fish that he caught on some fishing trip (he’s probably shirtless, but not always.) Apparently, it’s supposed to convey masculinity or something, but a lot of women immediately swipe left on these fishermen.

Now, in all fairness, I myself find those pictures a little off-putting. I mean, why the hell should I care about you catching a fish? I’m certainly not going to fuck you because of it. 🤨

But it’s also not something that would (or should) automatically be a deal-breaker.

The same can be said about shirtless gym-selfies. They might be a bit cliché and annoying, but you have to think – maybe the guy in question is a great catch (man, I am killing it with the puns today!)

5. Baggage

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has baggage.

A lot of women don’t want to date a man who’s been married before or who has kids, but that shouldn’t be a reason to dismiss someone right off the bat. (Now, a guy who’s been married five times, on the other hand? Maybe go ahead and swipe left 😬)

Some baggage is heavier than others – if a guy has JUST gotten out of a long term marriage for example, you might want to hold off on dating him. He’s probably not completely ready to be back in the dating pool.

But before you make a judgement call, find out how compatible you are and how ready he is for a new relationship.

That goes for any guy you meet. Before dismissing him offhand, find out how much his baggage is holding him back. After all, you’ve probably got your fair share too.

That’s it for my list – are there any other dating deal-breakers to consider dropping? Let me know in the comments below.

And as always, thank you for reading!

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