It’s a Covid Breakup, Charlie Brown!
A Personal Story About Getting Dumped in the midst of the COVID-19 epidemic
Last week’s blog post was one of my favorites to date! Not only was it the first guest post I’ve published, it was written by John. It was really fun to work with him on it, too, and I’ll probably write an article on that whole process in the future.
For today, though, I’m sharing another one of my personal stories. And, yep, you guessed it – it’s not a good one (because, as I’ve mentioned before, those are always more fun to read about ?).
This one is all about getting dumped, and – more specifically, getting dumped during COVID.
*Note: Names have been changed, as always.
Max* and I met the way most millennials do nowadays – online. I’d been back on the dating scene for a few months by that point, but I was still reeling from my devastating breakup from Brad.
Max, too, was recently getting out of something serious – a marriage. ?
Now, there’s obviously nothing wrong with dating a divorcee (after all, I’m divorced ?), but, for reasons you’ll soon understand, I’d caution you to be careful if it’s a recent split.
Related Read: 5 Red Flags on Tinder you Should Never Ignore
Max and his ex-wife, Anna, had been together for 15 years and had decided to split up less than six months before we met. Initially, I was somewhat wary of this, too.
I asked him quite bluntly if he felt ready to be dating again. He assured me that he was saying, like so many who’ve been through a divorce do, that the relationship had been over for a long time. Having gotten divorced, myself, I knew that feeling well – I was actually ready to date again just a few months after splitting from my ex-husband.
So, I didn’t think too much about it and agreed to meet up with him.
On our first date, there was an immediate spark – in fact, I actually told a close friend of mine that I felt like he was “the one.” I wouldn’t exactly call it love-at-first-sight, but it was the closest I’ve come to that kind of thing.
After that first date, our “relationship” progressed quickly.
He’d told me upfront that he didn’t want to “jump into anything” serious right away, but he ALSO said that he’d be open to being in a more committed relationship if it felt “right” (which… you know, was another red flag.)
I ignored his cryptic reasoning, though. And, actually, I was perfectly fine with having something more casual at the start – I think most people want to date for at least a few weeks before deciding to be exclusive – but then… we slept together.
Now, I know there are a lot of people (probably even some of you, dear readers) who jump into bed freely, and if that’s your style, more power to ya! For me, personally, though, I don’t normally do that unless I feel a certain way about someone.
With Max, we’d only been dating about 2-weeks when we had sex for the first time.
I won’t go in to all the details of that night, but at some point, he’d told me VERY CLEARLY that he thought we would end up being in a serious relationship (and, in case you were wondering, yes, he said this BEFORE we actually did the deed.)
Fast forward a few months and he tells me that, actually, he doesn’t think he’ll be ready for anything more serious for a really LONG time ?
One night, he actually sent me this YouTube video of Tripp Kramer and Jonathon Aslay talking about dating after a divorce to help explain why he felt he wasn’t going to be ready for quite some time. (Funnily enough, I got a chance to do a podcast episode with Tripp Kramer a few months back.)
It’s a fairly long video, but if you get a chance later on, I highly suggest you check it out. You can find it here.
(Honestly, I can’t recommend Tripp enough anyway – he was so much fun to do a podcast with. And Jonathon is one of my favorite relationship experts, too.)
At the time, though, listening to it made me cry. I realized that we were in two different places – I was ready for something more and he wasn’t able to meet me there.
That night, I was at Max’s house and we talked about the video. He asked me what I thought of it, and I said I found it interesting, but left out the part about how much it bothered me.
I also chose not to ask him directly about one particular thing that Jonathon mentions in the clip, which is that it tends to take men up to TWO YEARS after a divorce to really be ready to commit to another woman. Fearing that this extended period of “dating” would turn out to be true, I didn’t ask him about this timeline.
Instead, I told him to be careful. I told him that he might end up hurting a lot of people (like me, for example) in his effort to figure out what he wanted.
As for the two of us – I stuck it out, hoping that if I could just show him how amazing I was, he’d change his mind.
The Breakup: Getting Dumped During Covid
Looking back, I can see that I SHOULD have ended things right then and there. Not only was he giving me clear signals that he wasn’t going to commit to me, he was completely dismissive of my feelings.
He knew that I wasn’t going to be seeing (let alone sleeping with) anyone else. He also knew that I was hurt by the fact that he was going on other dates, and yet, he didn’t care. He was fine with hurting me if it meant he could continue with his “self-discovery.” ?
Then came COVID.
The entire world basically shut down. I, like so many others, ended up losing my job due to the pandemic. But Max and I were still dating. In fact, he was the only person outside of my child that I was regularly in contact with. And, silly me, I assumed the same was true for him.
Having no job really put me in a negative place. I got my first job when I was 15-years old and, since then, I’ve always either worked or gone to school full-time. Without that, I was completely lost. I was left with these long stretches of days and nothing to do but think – and worry – about the future.
I started to lean on Max for support more and more – confiding in him about my fears and uncertainties, both about “us” and about myself.
I’m in a field where working from home is not an option, and as a single mother, I wasn’t able to try and seek out anything new while carrying out the hell-on-earth that is virtual learning (parents out there – you know what I’m talking about ?)
About a month into the pandemic, I learned that my place of work was not going to be re-opening, so I’d be left without a job for the foreseeable future.
A few weeks after this, Max broke up with me citing my depression as the reason. His exact words to me were “I’m not in a place right now where I can be with someone who’s depressed. I know there’s extenuating circumstances, that there’s a pandemic and all, but I’m really looking for something fun and carefree.”
Getting dumped is never fun – but getting dumped when you’re already going through a hard time? That’s the absolute WORST.
Needless to say, I was devastated. I even wondered why the hell he would end something in the midst of a lock-down – it’s not like he could go meet someone else! (ahem, wrong. He did, in fact, already have someone else – but I’ll leave that story for another day ?)
If someone tells you that they’re NOT looking for anything serious, BELIEVE THEM.
Secondary lesson: you learn a lot about a person based on how they handle difficult circumstances. If they’re still going out and meeting new people during a global fucking pandemic, they aren’t interested in ANYONE but themselves.
Likewise, if they view your depression as a burden on them – they aren’t going to be a good partner down the line.
Have any of you experienced a COVID breakup? What’s your worst “getting dumped” story? Let me know in the comments below.
As always, my loves, thanks for reading!
I am so sorry you had to go through that. A person really does show there true colors when times are different. Glad that he is out of the picture.
You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat you when they no longer “need” you, that’s for sure.
Gosh men can be cruel! So glad he’s no longer in the picture, but really sorry you had to go through that ?
Thank you, me too!
I think anyone who’s ever dated can relate to this post! I’ve been in crappy relationships like the one you described. I’m thankful daily that I’m no longer in them. There are good people out there. Haha, I finally found my hubby when I stopped looking and felt at peace with being on my own. Some coworkers challenged me to “practice dating.” The result? I met my hubby. We’ve been married over 15 years now and he still treats me like a queen. The funniest part is that, when we first started dating, I didn’t think he was “my type.” I look back now and fully acknowledge the type I previously went for were creeps.
Such a good point about finding someone once you’re comfortable with being on your own. You attract the right kind of person when you have that aura.
Thank you for sharing this story. I can imagine lots of people can relate. I know I can. I’ve done the exact same mistake. Luckily we learn from our mistakes ?
I’m glad I’m not alone then! Lol.
Wow, I’m so sorry you had to go through that with a shitbag. I’m glad it ended and that you’re with someone better ☺️
Thank you for sharing your personal story! I’ve learned a new lesson about love and since I have rarely any experience it’s good to know!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
I love your honesty! Covid has been a bitch for so many reasons! It’s definitely strained many relationships.
Yes it has! There was a much higher divorce rate last year, too.
Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. This must have been really hard to write. I haven’t gone through a break up during a pandemic but my bf and I argued more
I can see that happening! It’s a stressful time – if you’re living with someone, you’re seeing them so much more frequently than you’re used to (even living with someone you love, we all need our alone time and Covid really stripped that away.)
I am so sorry that you had to go through this kind of thing and during covid, had to be worse! I am only 27 years old, but I have been through my fair share of relationships, where the guy didn’t want to commit because he still wanted to explore and have fun (which I totally get). Your story has made me remember how a guy, similar to the one you dated, used me as his therapist and his stepping stone until he found what he thought he wanted.He was always on the I cringe at the fact that I was so naive to not see andor listen to the red flags when I saw/heard them. We have to remember, that we are not stops along the way, we are destinations and if guys don’t want to rise to the occasion and step up and make up his mind to what he wants, then we are just going to leave and find someone that really knows what he wants.
I hope you are doing okay after all of that! Gosh, that must have been terrible! I really loved this post and I am definitely going to be following your blog! I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Thank you so much! Your response has really just made my day ?
That’s such a good point, too, about how people sometimes use others as a stepping stone or a placeholder while they figure out what they want. Looking back at everything, I wish I’d ended it when I realized that he wasn’t going to commit, but I kept holding on and hoping that things would change. I think that happens a lot and I hope that people who read this feel less alone in their own past mistakes. We all make them – it’s hard to see the red flags when you’re searching for the good in someone.
I relate to this a lot because I’m the type to always cling on when it’s clear it’s not working! So you’re not alone in ignoring the signals there! I can’t believe he already had met someone else and then chose to use your depression as an excuse to leave! That’s horrible behaviour, sounds like you dodged a bullet with him though, he clearly wasn’t worth your time!
Oh.. Yeah. Finding out that he was already with someone new was a serious gut-punch. I think he cited my depression as his reason because he genuinely wasn’t able or willing to be in an actual relationship. Being supportive of someone who’s struggling is something you do with a partner – not just a “fun-time.” He just wanted the fun.
I’m so glad to hear I’m not alone, though! Let me know if you ever want to do a guest post on that topic – the idea of clinging on to something for way too long. I think a lot of people can relate to that.
This depicts how time commands the life and relationships. Although nobody can clap single handedly, but there’s always a person you’ll meet who raises the hand first to clap and that’s where you should indicate yourself. On the other side when both the hands gets raised together it could be a coincidence or reality match.
It was nice reading and quite practical. Thanks for sharing this with us.
I definitely wasn’t being practical in that relationship, lol. But hopefully it’ll help other people make better decisions.
I’m so sorry for what you went through. I found myself relating because honestly, I would’ve stayed too. I would’ve hoped he would change and realize what we could have. I don’t blame you in the slightest, but I’m happy you learned from it since you never deserved to go through that. You should have someone who can commit to you and who treats you right. The way he dismissed your feelings and acted like your depression was a burden was just cold-hearted. In my eyes, it’s a relief that he’s out of your life. Thanks for sharing this personal story! It really resonated with me.
I’m so glad to hear that!
Yes – it was definitely a difficult experience. Having depression is hard enough as it is – in that case, it was pretty directly related to the pandemic and I think a lot of people felt the same. But then to have someone tell you that they don’t want to be with you because of it… that was hurtful. There’s a lot more to my story with Max and I’ll probably do at least one more story about him.
What a story!! That Tripp Kramer part is fantastic though! It must have felt so good to have gotten that invite – will be listening to the pod later this week.
So proud of you and all of your successes! It’s been such a pleasure to see you grow!!
Thank you so much!!
What’s really funny is that I didn’t even realize it was Tripp’s video until long after I did his podcast. But it does make me laugh thinking about it now.