Online dating is the WORST. Trust me, I’ve been there, done that and it’s… frankly, no fun.
Unfortunately, though, it’s part of the dating world we live in. So, today, I’ve got some advice to those currently seeking romantic partners in the digital abyss.
To those of you who are new here, though, hi! Welcome to Dear Dating Bitch, my online advice column where I answer questions from readers. Everything I say here is just the opinion of one anonymous bitch on the internet, but hopefully it’s helpful.
Online Dating, Exes, and Other Pieces of Advice
As I take all my advice column questions from what you beautiful readers send in, it’s sometimes hard to create a cohesive blog post. (All the bloggers out there understand how important having a key topic is for SEO and blah blah blah.)
But, I try to put the most similar questions together. Sometimes it ends up working really well, and today, I got a bit lucky! I’ve got a few questions about online dating woes along with some on exes (there are always questions on exes.)
Let’s dive in, shall we?
Dear Dating Bitch is my online advice column. Submit to me here (don’t worry, it’s anonymous!)
Q: I’m single and have no idea what dating apps to use. Which ones are for actual relationships and not just hook ups?
– Online Dating Newbie
Dear Online Dating Newbie:
Do you ever feel like you’re about to say something that a LOT of people are going to disagree with? That’s the position you’re currently putting me in, dear reader. But alas, I’ll give you my (probably controversial) 2 cents.
Any of them.
That’s right – ANY online dating site is perfectly legitimate for those seeking genuine relationships. Controversial, I know. Because, despite the fact that it’s now 2021, Tinder still gets a bad rep. It shouldn’t – a LOT of people meet through Tinder (ahem, that’s where John and I met, actually.)
In short, I personally don’t believe there’s any such thing as a “hook up app.”
There are, however, hook up people. You know, the guys out there downloading every app they can find in the hopes of hooking up every other night. But you shouldn’t let a few bad fish ruin the entire ocean for you.
So, sign up for Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, and any other online dating app you want to. Just be sure to advertise yourself according to what you want, not what you think other people use the app for.
At some point, I’ll make an entire post about how to write a killer dating profile, but for now, here are a few tips:
• DON’T use photos of yourself in scantily clad clothing. It may be 2021 but… books are still judged by the cover.
• DO use photos that show you out and about (not just selfies.)
• DON’T write that you “don’t want to hook up.” It’s true, I know, but negativity is always a turn off.
• DO write what you ARE seeking instead. (Example: “Looking for someone smart, family-oriented, and genuine to get to know on a deeper level.”)
As someone who has done her share of online dating, I can tell you that you WILL get plenty of men who make sexual innuendos rather quickly. When they do, that’s when you can tell them that you’re not looking for a hook up. A lot of them will end up ghosting you afterwards which, honestly, only serves to save you the trouble of telling them to F*ck off in person.
Lastly, hold off on sleeping with anyone.
I know, I know, it’s 2021, women can do what they want! Yes, true. But if you’re afraid of only attracting men who are seeking hook ups, you can avoid that by… you know, not hooking up. Someone who wants an actual relationship with you will understand that you’re worth the wait.
Related Read: Online Dating Profiles That Make Me Say “Yikes!”
Q: What are your tips for people who are bored of online dating but want to find someone?
– Exhausted with Online Dating
Dear Exhausted with Online Dating:
This is a really tough question.
On the one hand, I totally get the whole online-dating-fatigue thing. Do men really not understand how exhausting it is to get dick pics? It is!
But, on the other hand, dating apps are sort of where we’re at when it comes to modern courtship. Think about it – walking up to a woman in a bar is no easy feat! She’s probably there with her friends. And what if she rejects you? How humiliating! By going online, guys can put themselves out there in a much less trying manner.
Women, too, have the luxury of being able to reject someone without having to do so right to their face. Again, though, John and I met online so perhaps I’m just a bit biased.
Before I answer your question, though (don’t worry, I do have an answer), I have to put this out there. Are you actually ready to date? I know you said you were specifically bored with the online thing, but is there a chance it’s actually that you’re exhausted of the entire dating process in general?
If you think you are and it really is just online dating that has you ready to throw in the towel, you do have other options:
1. Meet People in Public
You can absolutely meet someone interesting without wading through the muck online. But, it’ll require you to put yourself out there a bit. The next time you see someone you find attractive, walk up to them and strike up a conversation. Then ask them out.
Hey, do you want to grab coffee sometime? is a pretty well-known pick-up method. As scary as it is, the worst they can do is say No.
2. Ask Your Friends and Family
Tell people in your social circle that you’re looking to date and ask them if they know anyone to set you up with.
3. Do More Solo Stuff
You’re probably not going to get hit on if you’re constantly out with friends. So, try and do more things by yourself. Maybe sign up for a new exercise class or take art lessons.
4. Alternatively, Go to More Social Gatherings
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you could try going to more parties or large gatherings. That way, you have a chance to mingle with new people.
5. Don’t Give Up on the Dating App Scene
You can do all of that without deleting your Tinder profile. Continue to swipe and talk to people online while trying to put yourself out there more in person.
(Lastly, I’d suggest looking into this book by Matthew Hussey. It’s incredibly useful for dating tips.)
Q: How do I get over the fact that my ex is going to talk badly about me?
– Worried about Trash Talking Ex
Dear Worried about Trash Talking Ex:
I have so many questions here! How do you know they’re going to talk badly about you? What are you worried they’ll say? Who do you think they’ll say it to? And why do you assume that whoever they do talk trash to will automatically believe them?
There’s a lot of intimacy in a relationship. We usually tell our partners things we aren’t comfortable sharing with others. So, when a relationship ends, it can be really scary to consider that those private moments might become fodder for gossip.
I get that – but there’s literally nothing you can do about that. You can’t turn back time and not share those things with your ex. You can’t force them not to share those things with other people now.
But, don’t let that keep you up at night. Everyone who’s ever been in a relationship understands the implicit promise partners make to one another not to share private information. Most people continue to keep that promise even after a relationship ends.
So, if your ex chooses not to follow that unspoken rule, it’ll likely just make him look like the asshole.
☆ ☆ ☆
That’s all I’ve got for you today. Dating advice is always my favorite kind of post to write. Hopefully you found it interesting and useful as well.
Do you agree with my advice? What would you suggest to readers navigating the tricky world of online dating? Let me know in the comments below!
As always, my lovelies, thank you for reading!
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I don’t think I have the guts to do online dating. Too many sketchy people out there, you know?
I know people say that, but is it any sketchier than someone you’d meet in a bar? After all, both are strangers at first.
Great tips! I’m exhausted with online dating too. I prefer to meet people organically even though it is harder to do these days.
It is – but if you’re willing to walk up to someone IRL I say go for it!
Katie, you know this is one of my fav corner of your blog as I really love to read how you generalize and categorize the answers to questions very brilliantly!! Excellent piece of advice as always!!
Thank you!! I’m so glad you liked it!
I really enjoyed this post. I’m in a long term committed relationship so I actually missed out on the whole online dating thing but it’s good to know there are people out there sharing tips for how to do it right.
Awe thank you! I really appreciate that
hello! I haven’t really dated much online but I did meet my boyfriend online and we have been together for 3 and a half years now! Great post as always, thanks for sharing! Alicia
See! There are plenty of success stories out there! Thanks girl!
Online dating can be successful (and it is how I met my boyfriend!) but you need to understand why you’re using it- and I think making sure you and any potential partners have the same idea in mind about what any relationship is, is so important. And staying safe is the most important thing, of course. Thanks for sharing x
Yes absolutely! Make sure to tell friends and family where you’re going and who you’re meeting just in case. Always be mindful of safety.
I’ve never online dated before, however these all seem like really great tips. I’m actually with you on the hook up thing! I think as long as you put out there what you’re looking for then why can’t it be a relationship thing, rather than just a hook up. I think I’d have written not looking for hook ups, but you’re right to say write about the positives rather than negatives and put exactly what you are looking for.
I’ve been with my husband for ten years now so this isn’t something I have a great deal of experience in, but it was a super interesting read. I really enjoyed it.
Awe thank you so much! As for the hook up thing – I see a lot of people doing that, so I get it. But you can let people know what you’re not looking for by suggesting what you ARE looking for.
Great advice and this will help anyone currently in the dating world.
I love your responses and the comedy element!
Thank you! I always wonder if people will see my humor so that makes me feel good!
This all sounds like great advice. Despite having done a lot of research into online dating for work, I’ve never used it myself. I met my boyfriend online but it wasn’t through an app. The thought of online dating actually scares the crap out of me, so hopefully I’ll never have to use it! Although all the success stories are a real positive!
Oh I totally get that. I didn’t start using dating apps until I was in my late 20’s – I was initially terrified! But, I’ve had some good success and, in today’s day and age, it’s really necessary I think.
Thanks for the brilliant tips. I haven’t used any dating apps yet but I’ve got it on my 2022 to-do list. I’ll definitely be looking out for’How to write a killer profile.” post.
Thank you for sharing.
I think you’ll be great!
These are great tips! I’ve heard so many things – positive and negative – about online dating and think this post will be helpful for those who are looking into starting online dating.
There are definitely both positives and negatives lol.
I’ve jumped right back into the dating scene after dating someone for 3 months, and thinking it was going to go somewhere. So I’m a little disappointed by the last relationship, but I’m just trying to stay hopeful about everything! I’m already talking to two really cool guys, so maybe one of them will have potential for what I want in a partner. I just started following you this week, and I love this series! Great post xx
Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com
That’s great to hear! Continue feeling them out until you’re confident that one is going to be worth your time. That’s my biggest advice for anyone just starting to date – don’t tie yourself down to anyone until you’re ready!
These are great tips to keep in mind when I start online dating again
I’m so glad you found them helpful!