Online dating is the WORST. Trust me, I’ve been there, done that and it’s… frankly, no fun.
Unfortunately, though, it’s part of the dating world we live in. So, today, I’ve got some advice to those currently seeking romantic partners in the digital abyss.
To those of you who are new here, though, hi! Welcome to Dear Dating Bitch, my online advice column where I answer questions from readers. Everything I say here is just the opinion of one anonymous bitch on the internet, but hopefully it’s helpful.
Online Dating, Exes, and Other Pieces of Advice
As I take all my advice column questions from what you beautiful readers send in, it’s sometimes hard to create a cohesive blog post. (All the bloggers out there understand how important having a key topic is for SEO and blah blah blah.)
But, I try to put the most similar questions together. Sometimes it ends up working really well, and today, I got a bit lucky! I’ve got a few questions about online dating woes along with some on exes (there are always questions on exes.)
Let’s dive in, shall we?
Dear Dating Bitch is my online advice column. Submit to me here (don’t worry, it’s anonymous!)
Q: I’m single and have no idea what dating apps to use. Which ones are for actual relationships and not just hook ups?
– Online Dating Newbie
Dear Online Dating Newbie:
Do you ever feel like you’re about to say something that a LOT of people are going to disagree with? That’s the position you’re currently putting me in, dear reader. But alas, I’ll give you my (probably controversial) 2 cents.
Any of them.
That’s right – ANY online dating site is perfectly legitimate for those seeking genuine relationships. Controversial, I know. Because, despite the fact that it’s now 2021, Tinder still gets a bad rep. It shouldn’t – a LOT of people meet through Tinder (ahem, that’s where John and I met, actually.)
In short, I personally don’t believe there’s any such thing as a “hook up app.”
There are, however, hook up people. You know, the guys out there downloading every app they can find in the hopes of hooking up every other night. But you shouldn’t let a few bad fish ruin the entire ocean for you.
So, sign up for Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, and any other online dating app you want to. Just be sure to advertise yourself according to what you want, not what you think other people use the app for.
At some point, I’ll make an entire post about how to write a killer dating profile, but for now, here are a few tips:
• DON’T use photos of yourself in scantily clad clothing. It may be 2021 but… books are still judged by the cover.
• DO use photos that show you out and about (not just selfies.)
• DON’T write that you “don’t want to hook up.” It’s true, I know, but negativity is always a turn off.
• DO write what you ARE seeking instead. (Example: “Looking for someone smart, family-oriented, and genuine to get to know on a deeper level.”)
As someone who has done her share of online dating, I can tell you that you WILL get plenty of men who make sexual innuendos rather quickly. When they do, that’s when you can tell them that you’re not looking for a hook up. A lot of them will end up ghosting you afterwards which, honestly, only serves to save you the trouble of telling them to F*ck off in person.
Lastly, hold off on sleeping with anyone.
I know, I know, it’s 2021, women can do what they want! Yes, true. But if you’re afraid of only attracting men who are seeking hook ups, you can avoid that by… you know, not hooking up. Someone who wants an actual relationship with you will understand that you’re worth the wait.
Q: What are your tips for people who are bored of online dating but want to find someone?
– Exhausted with Online Dating
Dear Exhausted with Online Dating:
This is a really tough question.
On the one hand, I totally get the whole online-dating-fatigue thing. Do men really not understand how exhausting it is to get dick pics? It is!
But, on the other hand, dating apps are sort of where we’re at when it comes to modern courtship. Think about it – walking up to a woman in a bar is no easy feat! She’s probably there with her friends. And what if she rejects you? How humiliating! By going online, guys can put themselves out there in a much less trying manner.
Women, too, have the luxury of being able to reject someone without having to do so right to their face. Again, though, John and I met online so perhaps I’m just a bit biased.
Before I answer your question, though (don’t worry, I do have an answer), I have to put this out there. Are you actually ready to date? I know you said you were specifically bored with the online thing, but is there a chance it’s actually that you’re exhausted of the entire dating process in general?
If you think you are and it really is just online dating that has you ready to throw in the towel, you do have other options:
1. Meet People in Public
You can absolutely meet someone interesting without wading through the muck online. But, it’ll require you to put yourself out there a bit. The next time you see someone you find attractive, walk up to them and strike up a conversation. Then ask them out.
Hey, do you want to grab coffee sometime? is a pretty well-known pick-up method. As scary as it is, the worst they can do is say No.
2. Ask Your Friends and Family
Tell people in your social circle that you’re looking to date and ask them if they know anyone to set you up with.
3. Do More Solo Stuff
You’re probably not going to get hit on if you’re constantly out with friends. So, try and do more things by yourself. Maybe sign up for a new exercise class or take art lessons.
4. Alternatively, Go to More Social Gatherings
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you could try going to more parties or large gatherings. That way, you have a chance to mingle with new people.
5. Don’t Give Up on the Dating App Scene
You can do all of that without deleting your Tinder profile. Continue to swipe and talk to people online while trying to put yourself out there more in person.
(Lastly, I’d suggest looking into this book by Matthew Hussey. It’s incredibly useful for dating tips.)
Q: How do I get over the fact that my ex is going to talk badly about me?
– Worried about Trash Talking Ex
Dear Worried about Trash Talking Ex:
I have so many questions here! How do you know they’re going to talk badly about you? What are you worried they’ll say? Who do you think they’ll say it to? And why do you assume that whoever they do talk trash to will automatically believe them?
There’s a lot of intimacy in a relationship. We usually tell our partners things we aren’t comfortable sharing with others. So, when a relationship ends, it can be really scary to consider that those private moments might become fodder for gossip.
I get that – but there’s literally nothing you can do about that. You can’t turn back time and not share those things with your ex. You can’t force them not to share those things with other people now.
But, don’t let that keep you up at night. Everyone who’s ever been in a relationship understands the implicit promise partners make to one another not to share private information. Most people continue to keep that promise even after a relationship ends.
So, if your ex chooses not to follow that unspoken rule, it’ll likely just make him look like the asshole.
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That’s all I’ve got for you today. Dating advice is always my favorite kind of post to write. Hopefully you found it interesting and useful as well.
Do you agree with my advice? What would you suggest to readers navigating the tricky world of online dating? Let me know in the comments below!
As always, my lovelies, thank you for reading!
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